


aphilophrenia

by DapperMuffin, PanicAtTheEverywhere (DapperMuffin)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Blood, Blood and Injury, Characters Watching Disney Movies, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Dragons, Fire, M/M, Movie Night, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Love, Scars, Stargazing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, all the dark sides use nonconventional pronouns, deceit uses xe/xem pronouns, idk why but i just like vaguely passive aggressive virgil, onesies bc theyre cozy, spoilers in tags btw, virgil uses they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23622856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DapperMuffin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/PanicAtTheEverywhere
Summary: aphilophrenia (n): a feeling that one is unloved or unwanted.Roman is deeply, madly in love with the three people closest to him. In fact, he's been in love with them for years. So when they tell him that the three of them have begun dating, without him, he's, inevitably, crushed.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit Sanders, unrequited Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 146
Kudos: 241





	1. zemblanity

**Author's Note:**

> zemblanity (n): the inevitable discovery of what we would rather not know
> 
> Hello! Chapter updates are going to be short but frequent, mostly because I wanna be able to torture y'all with the angst. Enjoy~

Roman almost felt numb.

“We need to tell you something,” they’d said, and he’d ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach. After all, just because Roman was  _ almost _ certain he knew what they were going to tell him didn’t mean his hunch was  _ right. _

But his hunch  _ was _ right.

“The three of us are in a relationship,” Patton had confessed, and Roman found he couldn’t swallow around the lump in his throat.

His mind raced. He’d dreaded this happening for who knows how long, ever since he’d begun to notice the telltale signs, the little touches and sidelong glances shared between them. He’d been preventing himself from those little touches for years. Roman had long thought that those touches were forbidden between Sides, but as he’d observed as the others slowly began to engage in those subtle interactions more and more—and had begun to leave him out.

Roman shook his head. Virgil had their head tilted, Logan’s eyebrow was raised. They both seemed concerned. Roman quickly forced a smile onto his face, looking around at his…  _ friends _ (after all, that’s  _ all _ they were to him).

“Congrats,” he said, voice thick with mock cheerfulness. “I’m really happy for you.” He stood stiffly, turning to leave as though he hadn’t seen Patton and Logan exchange worried glances as he walked to his spot by the TV. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he sunk out.

\-----

Roman’s eyes opened—and immediately filled with tears. His façade dropped instantly; his shoulders slumped and he began to shake. He stumbled over to his four-poster bed, collapsing on top of the comforter just in time as his knees gave way.

Roman rolled over onto his back, staring up at the roof of his bed with unseeing eyes. A tear escaped, rolling down his face.

Patton’s words echoed painfully in his mind.  _ The three of us… a relationship… _

Roman was a good actor, it was true… but didn’t this just serve as evidence that perhaps he was  _ too _ good? He thought he’d hidden his feelings well, but had he hidden it so well that the others couldn’t even tell how hopelessly,  _ hopelessly _ he was in love with them?

There was nothing he could do now. They were clearly happy without him, and he couldn’t just ruin what they had by telling them he  _ loved _ them. No, their feelings far outweighed his own, he reminded himself with perhaps a hint of bitterness.

Roman clenched his fists, a resolution forming. Since he seemed to be such a good actor, since he’d been hiding his true feelings for years already… How hard could it be to keep hiding them, for as long as he needed to?

Even if that meant forever.


	2. cingulomania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cingulomania (n): a strong desire to hold a person in one's arms.

Virgil had invited Roman to their usual Friday movie night, presumably in an attempt to normalize the situation. Now, Roman couldn’t very well turn down the opportunity for a Disney movie marathon, and he agreed, albeit begrudgingly.

As friends, they’d always cuddled before, but now that the others were _dating,_ Roman felt strangely out of place. Or no, maybe it wasn’t _that_ strange.

Logan had taken up residence on the far right side of the couch in Thomas’ living room. Virgil had taken the spot right next to him, with Patton on their other side.

Patton blinked. “What are you waiting for, silly?” He gestured invitingly to the empty space on the couch cushion next to him, and, hesitantly, Roman sat.

Roman found he was now very aware of his body and its proximity to Patton. He could barely focus on the movie that they let him pick, too nervous to even sing along.

Meanwhile, Patton had noticed his stress, although he couldn’t figure out the source of said stress. He reached out a well-meaning hand to place it gently on Roman’s shoulder.

Before Roman knew what he was doing, he’d already lashed out, hitting Patton’s hand away. A sharp stabbing sensation racked through Roman’s body, but it was too late.

Patton had already snatched his hand back, cradling his now pink wrist close to his chest, having recoiled slightly. His blue eyes were wide behind his black frames and watery as though he were on the edge of tears.

Roman flinched, moving away from Patton to the end of the couch. Patton was huddled against Virgil, who had a protective arm around him and whose expression was a mix of a glare and perplexed.

He tried to apologize, opening his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Silently, he apologized over and over, wishing this would just be over.

When the credits began to roll, Roman stood, stretching briefly. He felt the other Sides’ eyes on him, but he refused to look.

His tone was cold, his face stony. “I’m feeling tired, I think I’m going to go to bed.” And with that, he sank out.

  
  


\-----

  
  


Roman paced the floor in long, even strides, chewing on the ends of his nails. He hadn’t meant to hurt Patton, but he _had_. Perhaps—

“Perhaps it’s better this way,” purred a silky voice from behind Roman, and he spun around. There, in the mirror, was a silhouette recognizable as that of Deceit. “That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”

Roman narrowed his eyes. “How do you know that?”

Deceit laughed, a high-pitched sound that reminded Roman of a hyena. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m a liar, I have to be an expert on body language.”

“What do you want, Jekyll and Lied?” Roman kept his hands on the imaginary hilt of his sword, ready to summon it at a moment’s notice if need be.

“What do _I_ want?” The shadow tilted its head. “Why would you think I have some secret agenda?” Roman couldn’t make out any of the details of the shadow, but he would bet anything that Deceit was smirking on the other side of the glass. “No, no, I’m trying to help you, Roman. Can’t you tell?”

“No, I can’t tell, you seem exactly the same as usual!” Roman threw his hands up in frustration.

Deceit paused prolongedly in a way that Roman could only assume was exasperated. “Maybe I’m always only trying to help Thomas.”

Roman blinked, having not considered that before. “I… suppose that makes sense.”

“Of course it does!”

  
_Could I have misjudged xem?_ Roman wasn’t ready to trust Deceit right away, but he was willing to at least try, some time down the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe >:)


	3. súton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> súton: twilight; the approach of death or the end of something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (From now on I'm not updating this fic on Tumblr, since people don't seem to READ it on there)
> 
> Trigger warnings: blood, injury, brief description of slight gore

Roman ducked down behind his shield, narrowly avoiding a powerful burst of flame aimed directly at his head. His shield took most of the heat, but he still winced as the tips of his bangs were singed.

Roman channeled everything he was feeling, all of his anger and longing and pain and confusion, into the swing of his blade. He charged headlong at the enormous dragon, many times bigger than himself, eyes narrowed as he swung the sword with both hands.

At the last moment, he was reminded of Patton’s face, teary as he held his hand to his chest, and, without meaning to or really even aware of it, he hesitated.

That split second of hesitation was enough—enough for the dragon to attack. The dragon swung her broad, spiked tail right at Roman, and he couldn’t quite dodge.

Roman’s eyes widened, and he stifled the cry of pain that accompanied the feeling of the dragon’s spikes gouging a long gash across his chest. Still, he gasped, sword falling from his limp fingers and clattering to the ground as his knees shook and then gave way.

Roman clutched at the wound, ignoring the ringing in his ears and painstakingly summoning the last of his strength as he willed the dragon to disappear. After a moment of tensely held breath, the dragon evaporated into thin air, and Roman breathed a haggard sigh of relief, wincing as the gentle rise and fall of his chest only added to the ever-growing pain.

He needed help.

_ Patton _ was his first thought.  _ Patton would help. _ But then the memory of Patton resurfaced, his wrist pink where Roman had slapped his hand away, and Roman thought better of going to Patton. Virgil and Logan probably wouldn’t want to see him either, not after what he’d done, so that left…

Deceit.


	4. drapetomani

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drapetomani (n): an overwhelming urge to run away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh i forgot about updating this fic for a few days im so sorry
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: blood, panic attack

The lying Side jumped up out of xyr seat, startled, as the form of the defeated prince appeared in the living room, lying face down on xyr carpet.

“Roman?” xe asked cautiously.

Roman didn’t answer, as he was not, of course, conscious, but Deceit did not yet know this.

Deceit rushed over, flipping Roman onto his back—

There was blood—oh, so  _ much _ blood, everywhere. The front of Roman’s prince costume—formerly a pure white, thanks to how particular he tended to be in keeping it clean—was stained red with Roman’s blood, a large tear revealing a rather concerningly large slash across his chest.

Deceit hissed, swearing quietly under xyr breath. Roman would be mad if xe ripped his signature outfit, but it would be the most efficient way to tend to his wounds, and it wasn’t as if it wasn’t already ripped and bloodied.

With the cloth out of the way (Deceit had very sharp fingernails), Roman’s condition looked much worse. Xe could now see not only the cut in its entirety, but also the myriad of bruises and scrapes surrounding it. Deceit tried to remember the breathing pattern that had always helped Virgil, even as xyr breathing became panicked—hadn’t it been 4, 7, 8? Xe counted in xyr mind as steadily as possible until xe had stopped hyperventilating and could think clearly again. Deceit set about tending to the cut.

\-----

  
  


Roman groaned as he opened his eyes, blinking wearily up at the ceiling. Where was he? It looked like the Light Sides’ commons, but it felt different, somehow.

“How are you feeling?” Roman glanced to the source of the voice and was met with Deceit. Roman jolted, but then the memory of the dragon’s tail came rushing back, and he winced automatically. “You’re lucky I found you and your brother didn’t,” Deceit added quietly.

Roman looked down to his chest, discovering that Deceit had wrapped his injuries in bandages. Second, he noticed the bloody tatters of his outfit hanging just above his belt.

Roman sighed. “Did you have to absolutely destroy my outfit? I mean, look at it.”

Deceit raised xyr eyebrow sardonically. “Yes, I did. How about, ‘Thank you for saving me, Deceit’?”

“Fine,” mumbled Roman with an exaggerated amount of displeasure. “Thank you, I suppose.”

“You’re  _ welcome. _ ” And now Deceit was smirking at him, that expression that Roman knew too well.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Roman whined.

Deceit’s expression turned somber, xyr eyes  _ knowing _ in the way they stared into Roman’s soul.

“What?” Roman asked, slightly defensively, which had been unintentional. He didn’t like the way that gaze made him feel, as though Deceit could tell what he wanted and could see that he wasn’t even making an attempt to get it.

“Roman.” Deceit’s voice was gentle. “You came to  _ me _ for help. I knew that was unusual—usually you would go to the other ‘Light Sides’—but you came to  _ me, _ Deceit.” Roman averted his eyes, staring at the floor with all of his willpower. “You blame yourself, and you’re worried they still blame you too. Remember, I know when you lie, even to  _ yourself. _ ”

Roman’s eyes burned, and he wanted to cry, but there were no tears left—in fact, that was why he had forced himself to get up off his bed, to wipe his face dry, to summon his sword, to fight a dragon. Instead, he rubbed at his puffy eyes.

Without warning, Roman lurched to his feet, and Deceit hopped back. Roman’s eyes glazed over, and Deceit eyed him carefully, ready to catch him if he was to fall.

_ “Roman,” _ xe said sharply. “You’ve lost a lot of blood, lay back down. You’re dizzy. I don’t want you to collapse.”

Roman blinked, eyes focusing on Deceit as he regained his balance. “I’m  _ fine, _ Fibber on the Roof.” He snapped his fingers, and the bandages unraveled.

Deceit gaped disbelievingly. The only way xe could have known that Roman had been gravely injured was because xe had seen to it xemself, because the deep gash from yesterday had already scabbed over, and the bruises were so faint they were almost gone.

“Object impermanence.” Roman grinned. “It can only cause me  _ permanent _ harm if it doesn’t stop bleeding after a few hours, but once the bleeding has sopped, I heal fast. After all, it was one of the creatures in the Imagination that hurt me, and everything in the Imagination is my creation.”

That made sense, Deceit reasoned. Still, xe couldn’t help but feel disconcerted. Just yesterday… “Very well. I suppose you can go, just be careful.” Xe knew Roman, and xe knew how clumsy and careless the prince could be.

“Don’t worry.” Roman hummed as he did a little twirl, and, just like that, his outfit was as good as new. “I will.” He sank out, and Deceit watched him go, exasperated.


	5. alexithymia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alexithymia (n): the inability to express one's feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mention of a scar

Roman grimaced at the mirror, rubbing at what was now a scar stretching across his chest. Normally his wound would have kept healing at the same rate as before, eventually leaving the skin as smooth as if nothing had happened, but for reasons he couldn’t fathom, it had formed a scar instead, leaving an ugly red bump on his otherwise flawless skin.

Someone knocked on his door, and Roman’s eyes widened as he hurriedly grabbed a T-shirt from the floor.

“Just a second,” he called, struggling to pull the shirt over his head.

Roman vaulted over a pile of discarded objects, and when he opened the door, he was met with  _ Patton. _

Roman froze, a false smile on his face. Patton’s blue eyes were concerned—concerned for  _ Roman, _ even when Roman had hurt him?

“Hey, Roman.” Patton gave him a half-smile. He seemed unsure. “Are you okay?” Patton was asking if he was okay? “We haven’t seen you in a few days. You haven’t left your room. Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Roman said.

“Hug it out?” offered Patton, holding out his arms, head tilted in a way that reminded Roman of a puppy, and he smiled a little.

“I’d like that.” Patton wrapped his arms around Roman in a big bear hug, but Roman couldn’t quickly disguise his wince, and Patton pulled back very quickly.

“Something’s wrong, I saw that.” Patton reached a hesitant arm out to press his hand against Roman’s chest, tracing the scar through the shirt with his fingertips.

Roman’s breath was shallow, and he was beginning to feel light-headed. Patton’s fingers were gentle in their exploration of his skin through the thin fabric, his eyes reproachful that Roman had tried to hide something so big from him.

Patton pulled his hand back. “Is… is that a  _ scar?” _ he whispered, lips barely moving, face pale.

Roman sighed. No use trying to keep it a secret now. “Yeah.”

“When…? How did you get that?”

“Two days ago. In the Imagination. I was fighting a dragon. It won.”

Patton blanched. “How much blood did you lose? How are you up and about?”

“I heal fast.” Roman attempted to seem easygoing—like this wasn’t yet another secret he’d been keeping for years, he couldn’t let Patton worry about him—but Patton could hear the tense tone underneath.

“Surely you didn’t tend to this yourself?”

“No, Deceit did.” Patton stiffened almost imperceptibly, mouth slightly open.

“You went to Deceit instead of to me?”

The hurt in Patton’s voice hit Roman like a brick wall, but he didn’t let it show, instead searching for a suitable lie that wouldn’t give anything away. “I didn’t want to worry you. I knew Deceit would stay calm.” There. Not a complete lie.

Patton chewed his lip, still looking pained. “I guess that makes sense… But anyway! Next time, at least tell me what’s going on with you! I worry more when you  _ don’t _ tell me.”

“Of course.” Patton turned to leave, and Roman started to close the door, but paused.

“Patton!” Patton turned back around. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked, expression puzzled.

“For… for slapping away your hand,” Roman answered, dumbfounded.

“Oh, that!” Patton shook his head. “It’s okay, Ro. I’m fine, see?” He turned his wrist to show Roman that there was no lasting mark. “I get it. You’re a little twitchy. We all are. A new relationship takes some getting used to, for  _ all _ parties involved!” And just like that, Roman was reminded with a sharp pang that he was not a part of Patton’s budding new relationship.

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” Roman said, forcing his smile to stay in place. “Anyway, Patton, I’ve got things to do today, so I’ll see you later.”

“Alright, bye!” Patton waved as he practically bounced away down the hall.

Roman swallowed thickly, resting his head against the door. It didn’t seem fair to him. Sure, it had been unlikely that all three of the other Sides would reciprocate his feelings, but what were the odds that they would all be in love with one another but not Roman? He was the  _ romantic _ Side, so how pathetic was it that he was the one left on the sidelines uselessly pining after three people who  _ didn’t want him? _ People who’d always seen him as a friend and who would never think of him as anything but…?

_ Pathetic. _ Yes, that’s what he was. Pathetic.

“They don’t want you, Roman. Get a grip,” he muttered.

He ran a tired hand through his already mussed hair. There was no point in this pining.

“C’mon, Roman,” he said to himself. “Doesn’t Thomas need that script by Friday? Let’s get to work.”

  
  


\-----

  
  


Logan was so engrossed in his work that he only looked up when Roman smacked a stack of paper down hard on the desk in front of him.

“Roman.” Logan adjusted his glasses.

Roman beamed. “There’s the new script, hours ahead of schedule! Look it over for me, will you?” That was their arrangement. Both Sides brainstormed, and once they’d settled on an idea, Logan planned it, then Roman finalized the script. Logan always looked it over one last time before sending it to Thomas.

Logan peered at the stack, narrowing his eyes at the sheer number of pages. “That looks like a lot, Roman.”

“Oh, don’t worry, most of it’s crossed out,” Roman said cheerfully.

It was unlike Roman to second-guess himself this much.

“Alright,” said Logan slowly and a little suspiciously. “I’ll look it over and perhaps write it more  _ legibly.” _ He arched his brow at Roman. “Are you alright? Patton said you were hurt?”

Logan could’ve sworn Roman’s ever-present grin faltered, only for a moment, but he blinked and it looked normal again. “Oh, yeah, that.” Roman’s air of confidence seemed practiced, exaggerated. “I’m fine, it’s just a mark.” Logan stared at Roman, unrelenting, until Roman gave way. “Okay, whatever, it’s a pretty big fucking scar, but I’m fine, st- Specs, I promise.” Roman had started to say something, but had at the last moment switched to “Specs,” Logan was sure of it. Incredibly suspicious. And the chance that nothing was wrong was infinitesimal at best.

“Alright, but you'd tell us if something  _ was _ wrong?” Logan insisted.

“Yes, good, fine.” Roman rolled his eyes, and then he was gone.

Logan shook his head at the mound of paper Roman had left on his desk. So Roman wouldn’t confess to Patton, nor to himself, but perhaps Virgil had a chance…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is anybody expanding their vocabulary w my chapter titles? just out of curiosity  
> also y'all are awesome, thanks for the comments, it's my driving life force because I love interacting with you <3  
> also huh i wONDER what the last line of this chapter means...? guess you'll have to wait to find out


	6. ineffable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ineffable (adj): too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words

“Princey!” a voice barked, and Roman jumped. Only one person ever called him that.

Virgil had appeared, frowning, arms crossed, directly behind Roman. Their raccoon makeup looked darker than usual, which only happened when Virgil was particularly tired and tried to cover up the actual dark circles under their eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing?” snapped Virgil, eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean?” cried Roman, bewildered. “I’m just sitting here?”

“I can see that. I  _ meant, _ why are you being weird?”

“Weird how?” asked Roman, batting his long eyelashes innocently.

Virgil scoffed. “I dunno, you’ve just been… off.” They gestured vaguely at Roman. “You know what I mean.”

Roman shrugged, sighing. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve been normal.”

Virgil’s eye caught on something on Roman’s desk, and they snatched up a piece of paper before Roman could grab it.  _ “Hearts? _ You’ve been doodling hearts again, and we all know what that means.” They flung the paper back in front of Roman. “Who are you in love with?”

“Wha-a-a-at?” Roman laughed nervously, drawing out the word.

“You  _ know _ what I mean, Princey,” Virgil said. “I know  _ you, _ so don’t lie to me.”

Roman’s mouth moved as if he were trying to speak, and he searched for something to say that wouldn’t outright tell Virgil he’d been dreaming about pressing their lips together for years. “I can’t say,” was what he ended up going with. “All I can tell you is that they don’t feel the same way.”

The corner of Virgil’s mouth, which was pointed downward, twitched, and they stared intensely at Roman. “Do you wanna talk about it?” they asked finally. “You don’t really have to tell me,” they hastened to add as Roman opened his mouth to argue. “It’s just, I know that sometimes it’s nice to have someone there to listen to your problems, even if they don’t fully understand what you’re saying.” They offered a half-smirk.

“Fine,” Roman conceded, and he gestured to the bed to imply that Virgil should sit. Once Virgil had sat, Roman cleared his throat and began his story in the obscure.

“So, you see, I’ve liked this…  _ someone _ for years now, but I never pursued my feelings because I thought it was wrong. Recently, however, they entered into a relationship with someone else and it’s been  _ killing _ me.”

The way Virgil’s eyes followed Roman held a hint of something deeper, and, as Virgil tilted their head, Roman suddenly understood—Virgil had figured out the object, or, well,  _ objects, _ of Roman’s affection.

Roman, suddenly petrified that he’d be confronted, held his breath, but Virgil didn’t comment, only shook their head as they stood.

“Maybe, uh, maybe you shouldn’t give up hope.” Virgil’s tone was light yet meaningful. “See ya later,  _ Roman.” _

Roman startled. He couldn’t remember the last time Virgil had called him by his name; indeed, when had he last called Virgil by  _ their _ name?

Laying on the floor, eyes to the ceiling, Roman pondered for a long while.


	7. collywobbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> collywobbles (n): butterflies in one's stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to upload this chapter yesterday but then the episode dropped and I've been editing my reaction all day! Sorry about that, guys, here's yesterday's chapter, but today instead
> 
> also i missed 666 hits but now it's at 669 which is better hehe

“Wait, really?” Patton almost shrieked.

“Not so loud!” hissed Virgil, and Patton slapped his hand over his mouth, eyes apologetic and sheepish.

Patton slowly lowered his hand. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Logan looked thoughtful. “Roman said he’s liked us for years?”

“Not directly,” clarified Virgil. “He wouldn’t say  _ who _ he liked, but he said they were in a relationship with someone else that they’d started dating recently, and that’s  _ gotta _ be us. I mean, who else recently started a new relationship?”

“I was going to advise you not to jump to conclusions,” remarked Logan, “but I see now that it would explain a great deal.”

“What are we going to do?” fretted Patton. “I never knew he felt that way about us!”

“Didn’t we originally plan to date Roman as well?” Virgil recalled, not really a question. “I know how I feel about him, but do  _ you?” _ Logan gave them a blank look. “Oh, come on, Logan, I-I mean that I like Roman,” they admit in a rather tsundere manner.

“M-me too!” Patton was quick to assure. “In fact, I really wanted to date him too.”

Virgil and Patton were now both looking at Logan, who coughed, and they both averted their eyes. (After all, Logan found it difficult to say certain things if all the attention was on him.)

After a moment, he spoke. “I believe that I feel the same way towards Roman as I do the both of you.” The other two were still not looking at him, but if they had been, they surely would have seen his not-at-all inconspicuous flush.

“That settles it, then,” said Patton decisively. “Mission: Date Roman is go.”

  
  


\-----

  
  


Later that day, Roman was accosted by Patton in the hallway outside his room.

“Hey, Roman! Wanna watch a movie with me?”

“No, thanks. I’m clearly the third wheel,” Roman scoffed.

Patton shook his head. “No, silly. I meant just the two of us.” Roman blinked, mouth open in surprise. “As much as I love Virgil and Logan, I’ve been missing spending time with you.”

“Y-yeah, of course, I’d love that,” Roman managed, and Patton beamed.

“Wonderful.” Patton gently squeezed Roman’s hand. “Meet you in the commons in your PJs! Five minutes!”

  
  
  


\-----

  
  


Roman rose up slowly. He'd seen Patton, but Patton hadn’t seen him yet.

Patton had already settled on the couch, dressed in his cat onesie, a large bowl of popcorn balanced next to him. He was humming softly, and Roman, recognizing the tune as Part of Your World, wondered vaguely if it was possible for him to fall any more in love with the moral Side.

Roman, feeling awkward as he pulled at the sleeves of his green dragon onesie, hummed along with the last few notes. He was surprised and pleased to see Patton’s face light up as they hummed together.

“Roman!” Patton shifted the bowl of popcorn onto his lap and patted the couch next to him. “C’mere, help me pick out a movie!”

Roman plopped down next to Patton, not even looking at the options on the screen before calling out, “Mulan!”

Patton chuckled. “Of course.” He selected Mulan, and as the movie started, he leaned his head on Roman’s shoulder.

Roman loved this movie, but with Patton so close he could hardly focus. He managed to pay attention just enough to sing along with the songs. While his falsetto was proficient enough to sing most of Reflection, it was not without its comedic element, and he took great pride in the giggling of Patton (who was still leaning on his shoulder).

Roman was so caught up in the second half of the movie that he hadn’t even noticed that Patton had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He stayed deathly still, afraid to wake Patton. This was a rare moment of bliss for Roman, albeit one that Virgil and Logan had probably experienced many times.

Despite Roman’s best efforts to stay still, Patton started stirring during the end credits.

Sleepily, Patton blinked open his eyes, and those gorgeous dark eyelashes fluttered. He smiled up at Roman, snuggling even closer to him.

Roman, suddenly incredibly nervous (he was sure he’d be sweatdropping were this an anime and not a sloppily written fanfiction) reached into the popcorn bowl and shoved the largest handful he could into his mouth so that he wouldn’t have to talk. His plan backfired, and instead he choked for a moment, and Patton watched him, confused.

“Are you okay?” Patton questioned, hands hovering a few inches away from Roman.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Roman coughed, eyes watery.

There was an awkward several minutes of silence as the last few minutes of credits played.

“Well, I think I’m going to bed,” Patton said, standing up and stretching his arms over his head, and Roman cursed his luck. He’d had Patton that close to him and he’d screwed it all up by being awkward.

“Okay.” He tried to hide his disappointment. “I guess it is getting late. Night, padre.”

Something happened then, so fast that had Roman blinked, he might have missed it.

Patton pulled back, hands clasped behind his back. “Night, love.” He sank out with a small wave.

Roman, dazed, raised a hand to touch his lips. It had only lasted a second, but he could still feel the ghost warmth on his lips.

...What was going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting close >.<


	8. schwellenangst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> schwellenangst (n): fear of embarking on something new; fear of crossing a threshold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's update is VERY short and that's because the next one will probably be the last
> 
> i should really write more fics huh? it's been nice to update often

_ For you, _ read Virgil’s text. Roman, intrigued, clicked the link, which lead to a Spotify playlist named ‘Prince Charming.’ He selected play, closing his eyes and letting the music fill the room.

_ The sun is nearly gone… _

Wait a minute, Roman  _ knew _ this song. He loved that movie! Why had Virgil put it on a playlist for Roman?

The playlist cycled through a few more songs, and Roman realized with growing surprise that they were all love songs.

Patton had  _ kissed _ him, so was it really so far-fetched to think that Virgil…?

Roman rested a tired arm across his eyelids. This was all far too much for him. What he wanted right now was to go on an adventure and clear his mind, but he hadn’t gone back into the Imagination since the incident with the dragon.

Instead, he changed the ceiling so that he could see the stars. Logan loved the stars, he though drearily as he drifted off to sleep alone.


	9. redamancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> redamancy (n): the act of loving in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa last chapter,, i rewrote it a little so Roman's slightly less dense bc it's driving me crazy and i know it's driving y'all crazy too
> 
> i have to say that, while the fluff might make you want to explode, just wait until the ending, for.... different reasons ;)

When the sun rose, morning wasn’t the only thing that found Roman, curled up under the covers in the middle of his bed with his arms wrapped around his torso. Indeed, Logan had decided to check in on Roman, but instead he stood transfixed, watching the realistic stars on the ceiling twinkle. (Well, no, they didn’t twinkle, that was just a figment of one’s imagination, but Logan would let that slide for now.)

Roman groaned, opening his eyes. He peered around, tensing as he noticed Logan standing in his doorway.

“Oh, h-hey, Logan,” Roman said. “Whaaat are you doing in my room? While I’m asleep?”

“My apologies.” Logan adjusted his glasses, pulling his eyes away from the ceiling. “I thought I might check in on you, and I became distracted by the stars.”

Logan loved stars.

“This is nothing.” Roman sprung to his feet, and Logan noted with interest that he was still wearing the clothes he’d worn the previous day. “Come with me.” He held out a hand to Logan, who took it with very little hesitation, and Roman couldn’t help but grin.

Roman proceeded to half-tug, half-lead Logan over to the large wooden wardrobe against the far wall.

“The Imagination is in your wardrobe?” Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. Well, no, it’s supposed to be a closet,” Roman admitted sheepishly, and although Logan shook his head, he had a small, fond smile on his lips.

Logan had been to the Imagination before, but Roman had brought him directly there. Last time, the Imagination had consisted of a medieval country that Roman had ruled. Now, however, the two found themselves on a large, grassy hill.

The sun, high in the sky, began to sink quickly towards the horizon, and Logan glanced to Roman to see the creative side slowly guiding the sun with the hand that wasn’t holding Logan’s. The sky darkened, the stars beginning to show as Roman guided the moon into its place in the sky.

Roman looked at Logan, green eyes sparkling. “The best way to stargaze involves not getting a crick in your neck. We should lay down, it’ll be more comfortable.” He plopped down on the grass, pulling Logan down with him.

Roman seemed to realize he was still holding Logan’s hand, and he let go. Under the starlight, Logan could clearly make out Roman’s blush. He watched Roman for a minute before shifting his attention to the sky.

In the silence, Roman lost himself until he realized Logan had started talking.

“The shade of his blush like a freshly-picked strawberry / The intensity of his passion like a flickering flame / The warmth of his smile like the sun / The color of his eyes like a pine tree.” Logan… was flirting with him? He wrote a poem about Roman? “The complexity of his mind like the depths of the ocean / The freckles across his cheeks as numerous and beautiful as the stars in the sky.”

Roman was speechless. He opened and shut his mouth several times like a goldfish out of water, trying and failing to respond.

“Starlight,” was what slipped out of Roman’s mouth.

“What?”

“I, uh— The other day. I almost called you that,” Roman said as an explanation.

“I remember,” came Logan’s quiet reply. Roman hadn’t thought that his slip-up had been that noticeable, and he wondered briefly how many similar mistakes he’d made over the years and how many times the others had noticed.

A hand slipped into Roman’s, and he squeezed it, opting not to look at Logan because he wasn’t sure what he’d do next.

Shortly after, Roman sensed a third presence entering the Imagination, one that felt like a warm hug, smelled like a freshly baked batch of cookies, reminded Roman of holding hands and of laughing while sprinting through the rain to get to cover.

Patton.

Patton didn’t speak, just laid down perpendicular to the two. He pressed a kiss to Roman’s forehead before brushing his fingers through Roman’s hair.

A few minutes passed before a fourth presence joined them. It felt like huddling by a fire while snow fell outside. Its smell was that of mint, and Roman was reminded of watching horror movies together in the dark.

Virgil took the space on Roman’s other side, slyly taking his hand.

Roman didn’t dare speak, for he feared that if he opened his mouth, he’d verbalize the mental freakout he was trying so hard to keep inside.

“Roman,” murmured Patton. “Oh, Roman. I’m sorry we couldn’t recognize your feelings.”

“Princey,” Virgil continued. “You’re a good actor, you know that— but have you ever considered that you’re too good? All these years you were only acting, and none of us could tell.”

“It was not our intention to exclude you, or-or to hurt you.” Logan’s voice sounded close in the half-darkness. “In fact, our original plan was for the four of us to begin a relationship, but that was altered as you showed no signs of romantic interest.”

“Really?” Roman’s voice quivered, and he hated it. Where was the mask of the strong, emotionally stable prince he usually wore? “You-you wanted to date me?”

“Yes,” chuckled Patton, halfway between exasperated and affectionate. “We still do!” Roman’s breath caught in his throat. “Right now, I’d want nothing more than to be able to call you my boyfriend.”

The word  _ boyfriend, _ describing Roman, from Patton’s mouth, sounded like music to his ears.

“So, Prince Charming, what do you say?”

Roman couldn’t help himself. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Virgil’s.

Not only did they smell like mint, but it turned out that they tasted like mint too. Roman thought vaguely that it suited them.

“Huh,” said Virgil, stunned, once they pulled away.

Roman, meanwhile, chuckled, although it was so high-pitched that it was almost more of a giggle. He was exhilarated. This was amazing. His loves wanted to date him after all, and he’d just kissed Virgil!

He turned slowly to the other side, now facing Logan. His eyes darted to Logan’s lips, then back to his eyes. Logan rolled said eyes, but leaned in to kiss him nonetheless.

Logan smelled like— _ what was the word, the smell after it rained?  _ He knew it, Logan had used it before, but it wouldn’t come to mind—petrichor, but he tasted sweet, much to Roman’s surprise.

He was woozy now. Happy, but dizzy. Slightly overwhelmed, but overjoyed.

Suddenly Patton was wrapping his arms around Roman’s neck, practically sitting in his lap. “Can I kiss you again, properly this time?”

“Hey, wait, you already kissed him and you didn’t tell us?” demanded Virgil, indignant.

Playfully, Patton stuck his tongue out, and as soon as he turned back to Roman, the prince had pressed their lips together.

“I love you so much,” murmured Roman, hands on Patton’s hips as he pulled Patton closer. Patton giggled, snuggling up to Roman, and Roman thought his heart was going to explode.

Logan snuck up behind Roman, planting soft kisses on the back of his neck, and Virgil scooted closer, resting their head on Roman’s shoulder.

_ This, _ Roman thought,  _ must be what heaven is like. _ Eventually they would have to stand, to leave the Imagination, but for now, under the luminescent glow of the moon and stars, Roman sat with his boyfriends, enjoying their presence.

\-----

A quiet cackle echoed through the darker part of the Mindscape.

“He’ll have no idea what hit him,” plotted Remus, twirling its mustache around a finger. “You did perfectly, love.” Deceit, next to it, had very little warning as Remus kissed xem, quietly hissing air through xyr teeth when Remus nibbled on xyr lip.

“And now we will proceed to phase two of our plan,” said Deceit, voice steady despite the heavy flush and hair wild from fingers tangling in it.

“You’re so sexy when you’re being threatening,” purred Remus, climbing into Deceit’s lap.

Deceit sighed exaggeratedly, but leaned in to capture Remus’ lips with xyr own.

“And you’re attractive when you’re complacent,” xe murmured into Remus’ mouth. “Which, believe me, isn’t often.” Remus laughed quietly, then gasped as Deceit slid xyr tongue into its mouth.

“Fuck me.”

“That can be arranged.” Deceit hummed, hands already exploring the smooth skin underneath Remus’ shirt. “To neutralizing the threat.”

“Hear, hear—to neutralizing my brother.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if the first chapter seems cliche. Trust me, it does start out very much like all the Roman angst stories I never thought were good enough, but it gets good, I promise


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